I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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