Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
