so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Randomize
