just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
