just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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