Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
