I would go down on you faster than GM stock
We got so high we made milksteak
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
