We won't sleep together?
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
