I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
