Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
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