Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
