there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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