My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize