matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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