I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Shame - the story of my life.
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