we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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