I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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