I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
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