Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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