I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
