Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Randomize