I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
