For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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