i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize