What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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