Whod you bang
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
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