Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Randomize
