We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
