the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
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