3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize