eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
