Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
