i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
