We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
