I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
