I'd wear matching sweaters with you
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
