I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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