Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
