do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
