he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
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