Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
