Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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