yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I can feel your judgement through the phone
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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