Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
