Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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