wanna go halves on a baby?
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
