My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Randomize
