When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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