Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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