dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
