Do you still have your period?
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
