I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
