The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I think I am morally bankrupt
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
he laminated a picture of his dick.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
