I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Randomize
