i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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