You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
