He is an equal opportunity slut.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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