So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
