So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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