I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
