walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
there was a trapeze. enough said
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
