My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
