i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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