he was CRYING into my vagina
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
