Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I'm so fucking centered right now
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize