phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
She made me pour olive oil on her.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
