Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize