you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Randomize
