i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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