this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
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