I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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