For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
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