just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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