I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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