no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
