The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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