She announced her abortion via fbk
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
